Loss is one of big things you have to get used to later in life. Sometimes you choose loss and sometimes it chooses you.
It is an experience I have been grappling with lately in the form of death (friends, acquaintances, ex-lovers) as some of you know. Welcome to middle age.
Statistics say if we make it past about 65, chances are that we will live for a long while after that. Welcome to old age. (or lets call it ‘late onset maturity’? ‘the wisdom years’?) That is my mom – who is going to be 90 this month! Her health is not good and she is very weak. I am taking her to her friend’s birthday party today. <3
I have also chosen loss. Certain people are no longer in my life because they truly do not have my best interests at heart. This is painful too but also empowering. You get to choose the company you keep.
Some of the feelings that come up around loss for me are: fear, regret, sadness but also freedom and an excitement for the next stage of my life. Just don’t remind me that my kids are going to eventually leave home too 😉
When I’m feeling good physically and mentally, I really look forward to the future. I think a lot about how we (the lucky ones) will make the most of it.
In the meantime, it is important for me to process the grief I am experiencing around loss and I have had lots of practice lately.
What that feels like is this; it comes and goes in waves and if I’m in the right place with it, I can let it move through me, like a storm.
Walking, yoga, meditation and being in nature are four of the best strategies I can use to deal with the strong emotions in my body, mind and heart. I practice often.
Some people who are no longer in my life, I miss. Others, I admit, I don’t.
Loss is complicated.
Sometimes you have regrets. Big regrets. Regrets so hard edged they feel like a knife. The things you didn’t say, the efforts you didn’t make.
Like this Adele song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A
Sometimes certain people not being in your life anymore feels like a gift. A new chance. You feel free when you didn’t even know you felt bound.
Like this John Mayer song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20Ov0cDPZy8
And sometimes you just miss someone.
Like this Pink Floyd classic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3j8mr-gcgoI